and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
