Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
