I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
