Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
