Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
