Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
