just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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