We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
