she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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