THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
