Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
