Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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