I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
