all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
