He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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