Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
