just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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