I must be too annoying 4 u.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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