Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
