Who wears a wallet chain?!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
