Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
