Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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