my mouth tastes like poor choices
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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