He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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