Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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