just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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