i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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