just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
