I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize