My first STD was from a foam party
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
