evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
