What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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