his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
