either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
