It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize