I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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