I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
