Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
