i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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