it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
