so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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