Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
there's paper in my vomit.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
where does the pee come out of this thing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
