He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
