She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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