I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
