it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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