I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i think i just lost a toe
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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