i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
