I look better un-naked...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
