officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
