A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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