dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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