She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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