Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
