Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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