i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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