Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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