Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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