im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
