he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
