I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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