so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
