your thong is hanging out like whoa
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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