Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We left the knife in your bed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
