Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
