How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
