I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
