12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
