Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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