3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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