My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
