she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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