you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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