let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
