no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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