when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Randomize
