Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so let's talk penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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