This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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