are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
