Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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