Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

the vacuum is drunk

(703): View more from Virginia

what?

(908): View more from New Jersey

i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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(908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh

Replies (17) Good night (2796) Bad night (762)
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(614): View more from Ohio

This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.

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(614): This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz (1-614): Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual. http://tfl.nu/85jo

Replies (16) Good night (1655) Bad night (562)
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(512): View more from Texas

Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.

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(512): Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker. http://tfl.nu/5qzf

Replies (9) Good night (911) Bad night (2988)
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(925): View more from California

dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning

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(925): dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning http://tfl.nu/k939

Replies (20) Good night (5554) Bad night (1073)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

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(703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego

Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (2991)
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(706): View more from Georgia

When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.

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(706): When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me. http://tfl.nu/9m66

Replies (9) Good night (2097) Bad night (712)
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(219): View more from Indiana

Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

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(219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf

Replies (13) Good night (1824) Bad night (1371)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

I'm out of town so we should be golden.

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(419): I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me. (1-419): I'm out of town so we should be golden. http://tfl.nu/4amm

Replies (5) Good night (2192) Bad night (470)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.

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(573): Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl. http://tfl.nu/slvk

Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (1356)
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(210): View more from Texas

This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.

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(210): This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions. http://tfl.nu/0vpd

Replies (2) Good night (951) Bad night (539)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking

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(812): I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking http://tfl.nu/99b5

Replies (4) Good night (918) Bad night (414)
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(858): View more from California

PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.

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(858): PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS. http://tfl.nu/mje4

Replies (0) Good night (1753) Bad night (375)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.

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(+61): Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with. http://tfl.nu/73vt

Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (646)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise

(802): View more from Vermont

Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.

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(603): They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise (802): Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence. http://tfl.nu/7axp

Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (280)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time

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(973): Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time http://tfl.nu/0f26

Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (230)

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