Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

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  (734): I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. http://tfl.nu/chx4
  Replies (51) Good night (5263) Bad night (657)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does

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  (740): Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does http://tfl.nu/kyc4
  Replies (49) Good night (4535) Bad night (664)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.

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  (330): I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes. http://tfl.nu/ahu2
  Replies (32) Good night (4504) Bad night (1097)
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  (707): View more from California

  I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.

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  (707): I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her. http://tfl.nu/kq4i
  Replies (29) Good night (3884) Bad night (2469)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

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  (360): I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/rwph
  Replies (19) Good night (1544) Bad night (4941)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.

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  (901): If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week. http://tfl.nu/qgby
  Replies (37) Good night (3828) Bad night (1610)
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  (718): View more from New York

  My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

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  (718): My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/zkml
  Replies (6) Good night (795) Bad night (1316)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis

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  (402): Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis http://tfl.nu/hhal
  Replies (12) Good night (687) Bad night (1114)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.

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  (410): We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off. http://tfl.nu/hhrd
  Replies (26) Good night (4289) Bad night (562)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?

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  (865): You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams? http://tfl.nu/qz0j
  Replies (8) Good night (1179) Bad night (300)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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  (563): You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/uumg
  Replies (4) Good night (857) Bad night (303)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.

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  (202): I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle. http://tfl.nu/vi8d
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (833)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.

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  (386): correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart. http://tfl.nu/zuch
  Replies (4) Good night (479) Bad night (235)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps

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  (605): it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps http://tfl.nu/vib3
  Replies (6) Good night (656) Bad night (293)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.

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  (404): I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it. http://tfl.nu/ptib
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (154)

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