I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
