i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter