you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
be right there i have to get my cape
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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