he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No...this little piggys going to the bar
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
