this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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